gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! word vomitt. it just comes out

screaming. punching. cursing. casting spells. ok jk. but really i feel like im gonna explode. today during worship i thought my insides were about to splatter all over everyone around me. it would have been funny to watch at least. until you realized you had a piece of my lip stuck to your cheek. ewww.. anyway... today has been interesting. the past 10 minutes have been terrible. i come home from work to find my parents practically crying over a stupid incident. then my moms starts firing questions to which i hastily respond and try to get the hell outta her like of view. when it doesnt work and she can see the seething, hear the frustration, she asks the famous, attitude-filled question, "what is wrong with you?" right about now i go through my rolodex of grievances, stresses, and angers... its pretty long. ha. but i decide to tell her that i have alot going on that im super stressed out and that i hate coming home from work and having her give me more work. i tell her i have my finals this week as well as all my AP tests next week [even writing this tightens the STUPID knot in my stomach. yay.] she looks down then proceeds to go about shuffling papers. silent. cool. i love being condoled and encouraged, thanks mom. oh wait..

then sitting here just typing away, dave leaves for work. just kinda sneaks out the door like he is escaping. wish i could do that. i guess only 2 more months. its just been a really fun night. ohh and i kinda want to shoot my leg:]

sorry for the depression. on a happier note i saw some cool people at work today, llike old friends and people i have really missed [kehl] and this one guy told me i look like this prof at FJC then proceeded to tell me about how he used to be in love with her but had to join the army and then she married a midget. he was pissed cuz he is 6'7 and says she could do better. he was awesome.

on a terrible note my day goes from good to bad to great to boring to funny to terrible.. gotta love life

and i cant get these stupid thoughts out of my head about how i will never freaking measure up and how there are so many effing restrictions on what i can and cannot do, on who i can and cannot be because people have these damn preconceived notions about me. sometimes i just dont understand the shit i have gone through. and i dont want to be the one that has to continue to go through it. i want to give up everyday. i hate the world. but hey guess if i can change one life, make one right, do one thing good, maybe all this crap will have been worth it in then end. i sure have alot to make up for..