1. dallas @#*%^&$ viva :] well... if you did not already hear...me and him started talking again around Prom and were talking about getting back together and stuff like that(early June). well then a week later he tells me he is done done done. i was shocked but whatever. i come to find out (at my grad party) that he had been on 3 dates with this girl starting at the end of may up until my party... overlapping time for those who dont see it. and i come to find out that they were involved physically you could say. to make a long story short... dallas continues to go to a friend of mine, Cameron, who had expressed interest in me while at our beach house. one evening the guys did their own thing, dallas approached cameron and told him to watch out with me for a few reasons, from his own experience. he said "ya she went back and forth between me and sean for about 8 months, but if you can handle that, thats good. ohh and we were together for 11 months and i never got anything out of her, but after 2 dates with paige i got head. so kinda pointless." obvi not exact words but definitely very close. when cameron first told me i cried, then i was angry, then hurt. i NEVER thought he would sink that low, i never thought he could say that 11 months meant nothing, and i never thought i would hate him. never say never.
2. friends...my "friends have been interesting to say the least. i dont really even know what to think anymore. i just dont understand. we have been friends for 5+ years but they are willing to give up on the friendship (or just dont care at all) in order to remain friends with dallas(whom they have know less time than me-- like a year). its cool that we all stay friends i guess but the fact that they constantly look to him and his approval (by always talking to him, inviting him to everything(invited ahead of me), and spending as much time talking about him and his escapades as possible) im sure im overreacting and im just sick of their shit. but in all realities in what world do friends ever pick the ex boyfriend over the best friend? i guess this is a new twist on the romantic comedy/tragedy. woo. i never thought that i would be the one to feel left out, alone, betrayed, forgotten, but my "friends" have succeeded in accomplishing all of those impossibilities. never say never.
3. surprise! yes there is something good in this. haha God has shown himself to me in new ways through our D group book and also through Proverbs and encouragement i have been getting from a certain gorgeous foreigner :] God has really stepped up to be my friend, father, lover, brother, and confidant. it is very very difficult for me to be satisfied with just Him in these roles because i still crave for the tangible but i am learning. i look at it as almost fasting. and i think its bben good in some ways. we are learning together and i really know that He is here for me and that he has surrounded me by love. its just still hard to fully grasp. but it is the one diamond in the ruff that i have to report. im just thankful i have one! i never thought God would be so real to me. never say never.
