this new page of life has been.. hmm.. a jumble. idk i imagine a bag of random trinkets, somethings you really want to keep, some things you will forget about, somethings you are embarrassed/ashamed about, and then things that make you happy/proud to have in your possession.
well seeing all those things together, has really made realize some things about life, of course guided by God.
but all in all one thing that i have found to ring true that i hope can find you each in your own places of life and maybe make you reconsider or rethink your view on honoring your mother and father.
i had parents weekend last weekend but the days before i was pondering what it was going to be like and i was wondering if we would fight, if it would be stressful, etc. in this i began asking myself why i had such problems with my parents.
God also popped into my head some failures i have had hear dealing with alcohol and boys.. things i have really been struggling with (guilt,shame,confusion,anger,more shame) anyways... god correlated the honor thy father and mother thing right then and there. i was confused about why i couldnt get along with my parents and why i kept screwing up with Him. he showed me that they are related. that i never have taught myself discipline to have enough respect for my parents to follow their guidelines, so why would i magically know how to follow guidelines? i have absolutely no form of obedience in my life. although this might sound harsh or negative i see it as freeing because it is a huge epiphany. i realize some of you probably already know this or have correlated these issues, i have not, until now. it is huge and i think this will change a lot in my relationship with my parents as well as with god. i'm super humbled by the fact that i do not respect my parents..the people who have o generously provided me my life... and the fact that i have not respected god.. i am horribly saddened by myself in this respect but it is such a healthy sadness because it is the kind i am praying brings about a drastic change. i'm super charged for this and i think it might be some fresh perspective to all of us, or simply a renewal just that God has done sooo much for us, he is the reason, the purpose, for our existence, and all we have to do is CHOOSE to obey him, how simple. i don't know why it took me THIS LONG to realize how simple and yet beautiful this small thing is. but the fact is is that i have a problem... ok i have a ton of problems. i need to fess up to those. i need to be accustomed to the fact of my brokenness in order to understand how incredibly unworthy i am but because it loves me i should and i want to respond with loving obedience. my new life theme (for this season) is to be gods teachers pet. i want to follow him and be his star and for once in my life make him truly proud. i know that in itself is a broken statement. but honestly i want him to be proud of me for doing good with my life, for changing and following him devotedly, as a good daughter who adores her daddy!
thats all for now! cant wait to see your beauty-filled faces in 2 days :D
lo- we neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to skype like now! kk xoxox
